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azraelz_angelI'm going to put this behind a cut just because I'm going to be tossing out links and a pretty much full on rant - or half a rant - whatever my brain can muster this early.
Okay, so I started reading this wincest (Dean/Sam) story here: Wincest Ahead (Beware!)
Now, I'm not suggesting you go read it, because well, you just shouldn't waste your time.
It started off okay. There are large grammatical issues (dialogue and punctuation) that bothered me but I'm willing to look past that if the story itself is good. And the story itself started off fine. The boys get covered with demon goo that is an aphrodisiac - which is how the wincest element comes into play. Ok, fine.
When Sam and Dean start mentioning the other's cock in these terms - I'm totally turned off:
As Dean kept tightening his ass cheeks and capturing Sam’s rod he would push back, giving even more friction against his little brother’s monster member. The terms member and piece were also used to describe their cocks. Now, I'm no expert in slash. And to be honest, I'm sure I've been guiltly of using member or piece, but please feel free to shoot me if I ever use the term rod or monster member. *shudders*
Moving forward to the point where I stopped reading:
They were grinding and jerking and moving and then there was a gasp as the head of Sam’s cock wedged itself into Dean’s ass. With the water and the soap the massive tip had just moved right into the virgin muscle without even a hiccup.
Okay, I'm not a man, I'm a female, but I'm pretty sure that with absolutely no prep - none what so ever - that the head of anything (let alone a massive tip) wouldn't be just popping into anyone's virgin ass easypeasy. No prep! Jesus! Seriously this makes me cringe and shudder for the fictional Dean here. No prep isn't sexy - it's painful.
And then Sam and Dean just go at it. Dean just lets Sam push his non-lubed, slightly soapy and wet "thick teenage cock" into his "virgin, teenagers ass" and start pounding away. WTF!?! *bangs head against the wall*
And - as I mentioned before - I'm a girl - I don't have a cock. But thinking realistically here - a 15 year old boy hasn't really started, let alone stopped, growing yet right? So, if at 15, he has a 9" inch cock, shouldn't it continue to grow as he grows? And a 9" cock on a guy is impressive and not average (and would sure as shit motherfucking hurt going unlubed into someone's virgin ass). So, by the time Sammy hits say 19, he should be hung more than Ron Jeremy, right?
Now that I've vented I feel better. I do. Now I just need to go leave the author a comment about the story. Because it needs to be mentioned. I'm not going to tear into them, but seriously, this story is painful in more ways than one.
EDIT:
So I'm posting my comment, the author's response, and my response to the author's response:
My Comment:
Normally I wouldn't bother, but I really feel the need to comment...
The story started off great. I liked the whole demon goo used to get the wincest going. Nice touch - and it added a beginning rather just tossing the boys in the shower together.
However, your demon that you created - the Derro. You managed to spell it several different ways throughout your story. It started with Derro. A few sentences later it's spelled Derrro. Later I saw it as dero.
The derro thing was not the only spelling mistake in the piece. There are numerous others. If not for your readers, then you should take the time for yourself - to have enough pride in your work - to make sure there aren't copious amounts of spelling and/or grammtical errors.
There were some grammatial issues that needed fixing (you have punctuation inside and outside of the dialogue - it belongs on the inside - and there was missing punctuation all together in some places).
The sex turned me off. The language that was used to describe Sam and Dean's penises threw me right out of the story. It's a personal thing, but I don't find anything sexy about penises being called rods, pieces, monster members, etc.
But honestly, how would a virgin be able to have anal sex with absolulely no prep and only a little soap and water to ease the way?
Especially when it's a 9" penis?
That's painful not pleasurable. I stopped reading there. There is no way that Dean would find it pleasurable to be fucked dry. Yes, this is fiction and we (as authors) are allowed to take creative license, but it should be realistic too.
Let me just make it clear that this isn't a flame. I'm not trying to berate you. I just believe that you deserve an honest review (even if it isn't necessarily positive).
The Author's Response to My Comment:
Ok well I wasn't going to respond but I think I will. One those are misspellings of the word Derro, since it isn't a real word the spellcheck didn't catch it. Two, since I clearly stated this was porn and not much else, I wasn't too worried about grammatial errors. Kind of like walking onto a set of an adult movie and saying, "I am sorry can you please not use the word ain't since it isn't proper english" If the sex turned you off then please don't read works titled PORN ONLY. It is kind of a hint that the sex will be graphic and entailed in making others randy. And do answer the one thing that is an actual point...the derro blood blocks all pain a person might feel while in the midst of being enflamed to passion. It is described in chapter two where Sam is expecting the pain to hit, but it never does. It makes sex easier and more accessible since that is what the blood is supposed to do.
My Response to the Author's Response
I'm just suggesting that whether this is porn or plot you, as the author, should value your work enough to go through it and make sure that it is correct (spelling, grammar, etc). Running it through spellcheck isn't enough, especially if this version is the end result. Just because you label this porn does not mean the reader should expect crappy writing. If you look around LJ you will notice there are tons of writers in the fandom that write porn - dirty, raunchy, yummy porn - that is grammatical correct and without spelling errors. They label it just porn but they manage to take the time to edit it, have it beta'd, and love it enough to want it to be the best work they can put forward.
I suppose my 'the sex turned me off' comment wasn't clear enough. The sex turned me off because of the language used and the total disregard for prep. Sex itself doesn't bother me. I knew this was porn going in. I enjoy writing and reading sex scenes - but this sex scene was not enjoyable for me.
Nowhere in chapter one - which is the story that I'm commenting on - is there any mention of the derro blood blocking pain. Bobby mentions that it will make them horny, but doesn't mention anything about the loss of sensation toward pain. I understand that you have an explanation in chapter two but that doesn't provide any help to my reaction/issue to chapter one.
The Author's Second Response:
And I understand what you are saying but this was just a short, unbetaed porn drabble meant to turn eople on. It is not considered a work of fiction which is why I didn't go through all the work I would normally do with something like this. And no it doesn't say that in chapter one and since you didn't even finish cahpter one the explination wouldn't have mattered anyways. That is why I said it was porn and not erotic fictionb or otherwise. It is meant to be a sexual fantasy and if porn, in general, is told with that fantsical quality. If it was done the normal way most gay porn would run about an hour an dhalf each scene, since taking anything in the rear is can hurt and takes time. but it porn movies, it is just shoved in and the sex starts, because it is understood it is porn, not a sex documentary.
I personally just don't feel that the author got my comment. I'm not sure how my response was received - and I don't imagine I will get a response. But all the points I tried to address in the story didn't seem to have the appropriate response back in his comment.
But I will leave you with this comment: Porn should not equal crappy writing. Right?
And here endth the rant.
I hope that you guys are all having a great Tuesday.
On a different note, I'm driving to work this morning and got goosebumps.
There is an overpass right before the Bay Bridge and right now there's a fire truck sitting in the middle of it. And it's got the ladder and bucket up high in the air and an American flag flying from it. Honestly, chills. It's not subtle, but it shouldn't be. It was beautiful. I'm glad they did it.
Okay, so I started reading this wincest (Dean/Sam) story here: Wincest Ahead (Beware!)
Now, I'm not suggesting you go read it, because well, you just shouldn't waste your time.
It started off okay. There are large grammatical issues (dialogue and punctuation) that bothered me but I'm willing to look past that if the story itself is good. And the story itself started off fine. The boys get covered with demon goo that is an aphrodisiac - which is how the wincest element comes into play. Ok, fine.
When Sam and Dean start mentioning the other's cock in these terms - I'm totally turned off:
As Dean kept tightening his ass cheeks and capturing Sam’s rod he would push back, giving even more friction against his little brother’s monster member. The terms member and piece were also used to describe their cocks. Now, I'm no expert in slash. And to be honest, I'm sure I've been guiltly of using member or piece, but please feel free to shoot me if I ever use the term rod or monster member. *shudders*
Moving forward to the point where I stopped reading:
They were grinding and jerking and moving and then there was a gasp as the head of Sam’s cock wedged itself into Dean’s ass. With the water and the soap the massive tip had just moved right into the virgin muscle without even a hiccup.
Okay, I'm not a man, I'm a female, but I'm pretty sure that with absolutely no prep - none what so ever - that the head of anything (let alone a massive tip) wouldn't be just popping into anyone's virgin ass easypeasy. No prep! Jesus! Seriously this makes me cringe and shudder for the fictional Dean here. No prep isn't sexy - it's painful.
And then Sam and Dean just go at it. Dean just lets Sam push his non-lubed, slightly soapy and wet "thick teenage cock" into his "virgin, teenagers ass" and start pounding away. WTF!?! *bangs head against the wall*
And - as I mentioned before - I'm a girl - I don't have a cock. But thinking realistically here - a 15 year old boy hasn't really started, let alone stopped, growing yet right? So, if at 15, he has a 9" inch cock, shouldn't it continue to grow as he grows? And a 9" cock on a guy is impressive and not average (and would sure as shit motherfucking hurt going unlubed into someone's virgin ass). So, by the time Sammy hits say 19, he should be hung more than Ron Jeremy, right?
Now that I've vented I feel better. I do. Now I just need to go leave the author a comment about the story. Because it needs to be mentioned. I'm not going to tear into them, but seriously, this story is painful in more ways than one.
EDIT:
So I'm posting my comment, the author's response, and my response to the author's response:
My Comment:
Normally I wouldn't bother, but I really feel the need to comment...
The story started off great. I liked the whole demon goo used to get the wincest going. Nice touch - and it added a beginning rather just tossing the boys in the shower together.
However, your demon that you created - the Derro. You managed to spell it several different ways throughout your story. It started with Derro. A few sentences later it's spelled Derrro. Later I saw it as dero.
The derro thing was not the only spelling mistake in the piece. There are numerous others. If not for your readers, then you should take the time for yourself - to have enough pride in your work - to make sure there aren't copious amounts of spelling and/or grammtical errors.
There were some grammatial issues that needed fixing (you have punctuation inside and outside of the dialogue - it belongs on the inside - and there was missing punctuation all together in some places).
The sex turned me off. The language that was used to describe Sam and Dean's penises threw me right out of the story. It's a personal thing, but I don't find anything sexy about penises being called rods, pieces, monster members, etc.
But honestly, how would a virgin be able to have anal sex with absolulely no prep and only a little soap and water to ease the way?
Especially when it's a 9" penis?
That's painful not pleasurable. I stopped reading there. There is no way that Dean would find it pleasurable to be fucked dry. Yes, this is fiction and we (as authors) are allowed to take creative license, but it should be realistic too.
Let me just make it clear that this isn't a flame. I'm not trying to berate you. I just believe that you deserve an honest review (even if it isn't necessarily positive).
The Author's Response to My Comment:
Ok well I wasn't going to respond but I think I will. One those are misspellings of the word Derro, since it isn't a real word the spellcheck didn't catch it. Two, since I clearly stated this was porn and not much else, I wasn't too worried about grammatial errors. Kind of like walking onto a set of an adult movie and saying, "I am sorry can you please not use the word ain't since it isn't proper english" If the sex turned you off then please don't read works titled PORN ONLY. It is kind of a hint that the sex will be graphic and entailed in making others randy. And do answer the one thing that is an actual point...the derro blood blocks all pain a person might feel while in the midst of being enflamed to passion. It is described in chapter two where Sam is expecting the pain to hit, but it never does. It makes sex easier and more accessible since that is what the blood is supposed to do.
My Response to the Author's Response
I'm just suggesting that whether this is porn or plot you, as the author, should value your work enough to go through it and make sure that it is correct (spelling, grammar, etc). Running it through spellcheck isn't enough, especially if this version is the end result. Just because you label this porn does not mean the reader should expect crappy writing. If you look around LJ you will notice there are tons of writers in the fandom that write porn - dirty, raunchy, yummy porn - that is grammatical correct and without spelling errors. They label it just porn but they manage to take the time to edit it, have it beta'd, and love it enough to want it to be the best work they can put forward.
I suppose my 'the sex turned me off' comment wasn't clear enough. The sex turned me off because of the language used and the total disregard for prep. Sex itself doesn't bother me. I knew this was porn going in. I enjoy writing and reading sex scenes - but this sex scene was not enjoyable for me.
Nowhere in chapter one - which is the story that I'm commenting on - is there any mention of the derro blood blocking pain. Bobby mentions that it will make them horny, but doesn't mention anything about the loss of sensation toward pain. I understand that you have an explanation in chapter two but that doesn't provide any help to my reaction/issue to chapter one.
The Author's Second Response:
And I understand what you are saying but this was just a short, unbetaed porn drabble meant to turn eople on. It is not considered a work of fiction which is why I didn't go through all the work I would normally do with something like this. And no it doesn't say that in chapter one and since you didn't even finish cahpter one the explination wouldn't have mattered anyways. That is why I said it was porn and not erotic fictionb or otherwise. It is meant to be a sexual fantasy and if porn, in general, is told with that fantsical quality. If it was done the normal way most gay porn would run about an hour an dhalf each scene, since taking anything in the rear is can hurt and takes time. but it porn movies, it is just shoved in and the sex starts, because it is understood it is porn, not a sex documentary.
I personally just don't feel that the author got my comment. I'm not sure how my response was received - and I don't imagine I will get a response. But all the points I tried to address in the story didn't seem to have the appropriate response back in his comment.
But I will leave you with this comment: Porn should not equal crappy writing. Right?
And here endth the rant.
I hope that you guys are all having a great Tuesday.
On a different note, I'm driving to work this morning and got goosebumps.
There is an overpass right before the Bay Bridge and right now there's a fire truck sitting in the middle of it. And it's got the ladder and bucket up high in the air and an American flag flying from it. Honestly, chills. It's not subtle, but it shouldn't be. It was beautiful. I'm glad they did it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 01:21 pm (UTC)*checks user info* Hey! You're a Marylander! *waves from Baltimore* Hi!
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 02:32 pm (UTC)*waves back from the Eastern Shore*
I was almost up in your city yesterday, but time constraints didn't allow me to make it up there.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 02:48 pm (UTC)Though I have to say: monster memeber? *giggles* I think I'll stick to cock and erection. Those are staples in my smutty fun.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 04:09 pm (UTC)Sporks are probably the most underused weapon. Seriously - you can do a lot of damage with them! *snicker*
Yes, there is some wincest that I read and doesn't squick me out. And there is some that I read and it makes me want to cry.
I try really hard - and I'm not sure I'm always successful - to make my wincest stories the happy to read ones rather than the scary eye-gouging ones.
Yay for cock and erection. Simple and normal isn't bad :)
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 10:40 pm (UTC)In a word: Bad. In two words: Very bad. Please pass me the mind bleach.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 12:51 pm (UTC)*snicker* I just love your assessment, though I am sorry that you had to experience it.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 05:06 pm (UTC)That really does sound painful and just...no. Also? Jesus, Sam would be huge! *shakes head* I think I'll just stick to certain people's Wincest, thank you.
Monster member. Rod. *facepalm*
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 12:54 pm (UTC)I would almost feel sorry for Sam. At 15 to be carring around a 9" monster member would be crazy - cause he'd be impossibly to handle when he got older. Although - there are pictures where there appears to be a monster member hiding in Jared's pants. *snicker*
Monster member. Yeah, the next time I'm having sex it's going to leak to the surface of my brain and I'm going to be ruined forever. Forever I tell you.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 07:53 pm (UTC)Reading the author's responses, I think they just don't "get" it. I've read more PWP between Gibbs and DiNozzo in the past few weeks than I should say out loud, but almost all of them were grammatically good (even if most had the characters sounding a bit too British). That author needs a Gibbs!smack (and I need a Gibbs!smack icon for purposes such as that...).
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 12:57 pm (UTC)Haha, see there is nothing wrong with the classics. I don't think that you can over-use cock, dick or penis, with a side of erection. Porn or plot.
A Gibbs!smack would be nice right about now.
Yes, the author seems to think that porn should be rough, graphic, blah, blah, blah, and without regard to grammar and/or spelling and/or effort.
You can have hard-core porn that's ridiculously hot, and it is well-written. Badly written stories, whether they are porn or plot, take me out of a story. If I have to repeatedly correct things mentally in someone's story then I just can't be bothered to finish reading it.